Squirrel!

If you've seen the movie UP! then you know what I mean by the title of this post.  If not, here's a quick overview of what I mean.  In the movie, one of the main characters comes across a dog with a collar on that enables him to speak to the boy.  The dog is a typical non-focused animal.  It is so easily distracted by anything and everything that comes its way.  Any shiny object or thing that moves distracts it from what it really needs to spend time on.  In one of the scenes the boy is talking with the dog and it is replying with appropriate information when a squirrel happens by and the dog, in mid-sentence, says, "Squirrel!"

You see we are often like this simple dog when it comes to our conversations with our friends and family members.  Everything distracts us from the matter at hand.  Perhaps we're not distracted by squirrels or shiny objects glimmering in the sunlight, but think of the last time you were in a conversation with someone - what things distracted you?

• Cell phone ringing
• Text message alert
• Child screaming your name
• Something burning on the stove

No matter what they are, we all have squirrels in our lives. They are the things that distract us from what we really need to focus on.  Today's entry is about paying attention to the things that matter most.  I'm no expert by any means when it comes to focus!  I am easily distracted by just about anything.  I am guilty of picking up my phone in mid conversation or texting while talking to someone.  But honestly it's not fair to the other person.  They deserve better, more of our attention. 

But what about multi-tasking you might be asking?  Honestly, multi-tasking allows us to do multiple things poorly, but when we give our attention to one thing we stand a much better chance of accomplishing the task on time and in a right way.  Think about a heart surgeon for a moment.  Would you want to see a heart surgeon doing an intricate quadruple bypass while texting his wife and yelling at his kids on the phone?  I sure wouldn't.  That's what it's like when someone is trying to talk to you and you are not giving them your undivided attention.

Today make it a point to drop what you're doing and give attention to the people in your life that are talking to you.  You just might be surprised how much you can learn about what's really on their mind and how easy it is to help when you have the whole story. 

shhhhhhh!

There are so many people in our world who simply love to talk.  They love to talk because they have something great to say, because they feel weird if there's no noise, or because they just love the sound of their own voices.  It really doesn't matter why - as Americans we do way too much talking and not nearly enough listening. 

Perhaps as a child you were told that you have two ears and only one mouth so you should listen twice as much as you talk.  I believe that this is great advice!  There's nothing like listening.  But the problem is we don't know how to listen.  We are internally wired for talking. We have the tendancy to believe that our words, thoughts, and experiences are equal to or more important than the things other people are telling us. 

Now please don't get me wrong.  I need a lot of practice in the area of listening.  I am definitely telling this message to myself.  I've taken classes and read books on the subject of active listening.  The idea is pretty simple but the application is a bit more difficult if you're as driven as I am.

The biggest thing with active listening is you are to listen without trying to solve the other person's problem or issue.  It's not up to you to give advice or compare their troubles to your past experience.  Active listening means that when someone else is talking you are paying complete and total attention to what they are saying.  You don't need to craft a perfectly formed answer while they are talking.  Here are a few tips for listening well:

• be quiet - I know it sounds simple but just shut up for a bit and you might learn something.  
• questions - if you have to talk, and most of us do, the best thing to do is ask a question to clarify and make sure we really get what they are saying.  
• summarize - when it's all said and done repeat what you've heard in your own words.  This allows the other person to hear their own words making them sink in a bit.  
• focus - when someone is talking do your very best to pay attention to them.  Forget about dinner, work, the kids, the shiny object that just floated by, and focus on the person and what they're saying to you. 

In the end these tips won't make you an excellent listener, but applying these principles will help you get a better hold on what issues people are dealing with. One of my favorite quotes that I heard at a conference last year said nothing good happens when people are confused.  When you don't listen, you're confused and don't even know it.  And guaranteed bad things will happen when you don't have the whole story. 

Hey Coach - give me a hand!

I'm not sure that I'm built to be a sports coach.  Or at least that's what I always thought.  I never thought I knew enough about anything to be an expert, just enough to be dangerous.  I'm one of those do-it-yourself guys who knows just a little about a lot of things - which is often just enough to be dangerous! 

In a week I'm starting training toward being a coach.  No not a sports coach or anything like that but more of a life coach I guess.  I've been reading through some of the material in preparation for this training and the first thing I read caught my eye.  The author says that our role as coaches is "not to do all of the work alone; it's to prepare others for the work God has for them." 

Wow - is that ever refreshing!  I am a fixer by nature.  I see a problem and I try my hardest to fix it.  Perhaps I'm not the only one like that - I sure hope!  My kids get sick and my reaction is typically what can I do? I'm a fixer.  I don't like being out of control. 

Over the next several weeks I'll be updating this blog with what I'm learning. I invite you to share your struggles with me.  I'm also open to feedback if you have some. For today let's just hold to this thought - you don't have to be an expert at anything to help someone! 

Next time we'll talk about not talking.  So until then answer this question, "What energizes you like nothing else?"  Feel free to share your thoughts in the form of comments below.