Squirrel!

If you've seen the movie UP! then you know what I mean by the title of this post.  If not, here's a quick overview of what I mean.  In the movie, one of the main characters comes across a dog with a collar on that enables him to speak to the boy.  The dog is a typical non-focused animal.  It is so easily distracted by anything and everything that comes its way.  Any shiny object or thing that moves distracts it from what it really needs to spend time on.  In one of the scenes the boy is talking with the dog and it is replying with appropriate information when a squirrel happens by and the dog, in mid-sentence, says, "Squirrel!"

You see we are often like this simple dog when it comes to our conversations with our friends and family members.  Everything distracts us from the matter at hand.  Perhaps we're not distracted by squirrels or shiny objects glimmering in the sunlight, but think of the last time you were in a conversation with someone - what things distracted you?

• Cell phone ringing
• Text message alert
• Child screaming your name
• Something burning on the stove

No matter what they are, we all have squirrels in our lives. They are the things that distract us from what we really need to focus on.  Today's entry is about paying attention to the things that matter most.  I'm no expert by any means when it comes to focus!  I am easily distracted by just about anything.  I am guilty of picking up my phone in mid conversation or texting while talking to someone.  But honestly it's not fair to the other person.  They deserve better, more of our attention. 

But what about multi-tasking you might be asking?  Honestly, multi-tasking allows us to do multiple things poorly, but when we give our attention to one thing we stand a much better chance of accomplishing the task on time and in a right way.  Think about a heart surgeon for a moment.  Would you want to see a heart surgeon doing an intricate quadruple bypass while texting his wife and yelling at his kids on the phone?  I sure wouldn't.  That's what it's like when someone is trying to talk to you and you are not giving them your undivided attention.

Today make it a point to drop what you're doing and give attention to the people in your life that are talking to you.  You just might be surprised how much you can learn about what's really on their mind and how easy it is to help when you have the whole story. 

shhhhhhh!

There are so many people in our world who simply love to talk.  They love to talk because they have something great to say, because they feel weird if there's no noise, or because they just love the sound of their own voices.  It really doesn't matter why - as Americans we do way too much talking and not nearly enough listening. 

Perhaps as a child you were told that you have two ears and only one mouth so you should listen twice as much as you talk.  I believe that this is great advice!  There's nothing like listening.  But the problem is we don't know how to listen.  We are internally wired for talking. We have the tendancy to believe that our words, thoughts, and experiences are equal to or more important than the things other people are telling us. 

Now please don't get me wrong.  I need a lot of practice in the area of listening.  I am definitely telling this message to myself.  I've taken classes and read books on the subject of active listening.  The idea is pretty simple but the application is a bit more difficult if you're as driven as I am.

The biggest thing with active listening is you are to listen without trying to solve the other person's problem or issue.  It's not up to you to give advice or compare their troubles to your past experience.  Active listening means that when someone else is talking you are paying complete and total attention to what they are saying.  You don't need to craft a perfectly formed answer while they are talking.  Here are a few tips for listening well:

• be quiet - I know it sounds simple but just shut up for a bit and you might learn something.  
• questions - if you have to talk, and most of us do, the best thing to do is ask a question to clarify and make sure we really get what they are saying.  
• summarize - when it's all said and done repeat what you've heard in your own words.  This allows the other person to hear their own words making them sink in a bit.  
• focus - when someone is talking do your very best to pay attention to them.  Forget about dinner, work, the kids, the shiny object that just floated by, and focus on the person and what they're saying to you. 

In the end these tips won't make you an excellent listener, but applying these principles will help you get a better hold on what issues people are dealing with. One of my favorite quotes that I heard at a conference last year said nothing good happens when people are confused.  When you don't listen, you're confused and don't even know it.  And guaranteed bad things will happen when you don't have the whole story. 

Hey Coach - give me a hand!

I'm not sure that I'm built to be a sports coach.  Or at least that's what I always thought.  I never thought I knew enough about anything to be an expert, just enough to be dangerous.  I'm one of those do-it-yourself guys who knows just a little about a lot of things - which is often just enough to be dangerous! 

In a week I'm starting training toward being a coach.  No not a sports coach or anything like that but more of a life coach I guess.  I've been reading through some of the material in preparation for this training and the first thing I read caught my eye.  The author says that our role as coaches is "not to do all of the work alone; it's to prepare others for the work God has for them." 

Wow - is that ever refreshing!  I am a fixer by nature.  I see a problem and I try my hardest to fix it.  Perhaps I'm not the only one like that - I sure hope!  My kids get sick and my reaction is typically what can I do? I'm a fixer.  I don't like being out of control. 

Over the next several weeks I'll be updating this blog with what I'm learning. I invite you to share your struggles with me.  I'm also open to feedback if you have some. For today let's just hold to this thought - you don't have to be an expert at anything to help someone! 

Next time we'll talk about not talking.  So until then answer this question, "What energizes you like nothing else?"  Feel free to share your thoughts in the form of comments below.

A new direction

I've decided to make a bit of a change to this blog and it's overall direction.  Starting with this entry, I'll be updating this blog with some of the resources that I've found helpful in my life and ministry.  I'll still be adding snippets about faith and outreach ideas from time to time, but by and large this will be a blog designed to share resources that have helped me in my faith, marriage, family, and daily life as a believer in Christ. 

My first post in this new blog is a review of the book Living in Love, by James and Betty Robinson.  I hope that you find my review helpful.
 

Admittedly there are almost as many books on marriage as there are couples married!  Everyone seems to have their own idea of what a good marriage should look like.  But what works for one couple doesn’t necessarily work for the next.  That’s one of the strengths of this book.  It’s not a quick fix or how-to guide to marriage.  The book is an honest story of a couple’s journey toward and with each other – complete with struggles and all.  

The book has four sections: beginnings, commitment, communication, and challenges.  Each of these sections deals with the different areas in marriage that tend to become obstacles for couples if not properly tended to.   In the beginnings section, the Robinsons share insights about how our baggage coming into a marriage can have an impact, positively or negatively, on our married life for years to come.  Our baggage comes in the form of preconceived ideas about what married life will be like, the assumption that bad stuff won’t happen to us, and even some of the bad choices from our past.  All of these play an integral role in the married life that we experience. 

These potential hazards can easily be dealt with before they become problems.  James and Betty believe that in their situation communication and commitment, or trust-building, were helpful tools.  When they talk about communication and commitment they boldly speak of their faith as a major asset to the strength of their marriage. 

After identifying and explaining the three keys to a successful marriage (commitment, communication, and co-operation) the authors realistically anticipate challenges.  No marriage is going to be exempt from some minor speed bumps or flat tires as they put it.  Knowing ahead of time some of the major challenges that many other married couples have faced could prove beneficial. 

Finally, they believe it is essential to be pliable, willing to change.  When couples work on their commitment, communication, and co-operation with one another while being willing to change and be flexible, there is great potential for astronomical growth together in the marriage journey. 

All in all the book was well written and I believe there are several gems any married, or pre-married, couple can mine from this work.  The only recommendation would be that the couple read the book together and discuss their findings.  

Faith Sharing Faux Pas - #2

Spiritual Head-Hunters!  Another way of looking at this headhunting mentality is doing evangelism work to meet some sort of quota.  When we target a neighborhood with an assignment of winning people to Christ and converting x - number of people to joining our church...this is really about hunting!  I don't know of anyone who wants to be hunted like game.  It's not a fun feeling to be sought out like you're some kind of prize. 

In general this type of evangelism work is done with a good heart - however misguided the actions may be.  The issue is that sharing your faith in these types of circumstances is forced, unnatural, and driven by the law.  We act as if people feel they HAVE to do this for them to be living up to God's standards. 

The way we talk about sharing our faith is often scalp hunting verbiage.  We tend to use words that convey an attack or enemy mindset. Let's get real fora minute - the people to whom we are giving a witness adn sharing our faith are NOT the enemy.  Now there is an enemy and his name is Satan.  Satan has fooled people and tricked them into doubting God, but you and I are not immune to that temptation ourselves.  We all are sinful people and deserve God's punishment, but we have Jesus - the one who took that punishment for us. 

There are many alternatives to scalp hunting, so let's take some time to focus on these positives.  How do you talk and interact with people in ways that make them not feel like you are hunting them down?  What are you thinking when you share your faith with others?  What tools and techniques do you use to prevent yourself from becoming a spiritual head hunter? 

Faith Sharing Faux Pas - #1

Liar - Liar! - The first image that comes to my mind when I think of our first faux pas is the Disney movie Pinocchio.  This little wooden boy is not able to tell a lie without being caught, because with every exaggeration of the truth his nose grows - noticeably! Perhaps one of  my biggest pet peeves when it comes to faith sharing is the underhanded way that the gospel is presented.  There are many less than honest tactics employed by well-meaning Christians that destroy the image of Jesus and even brake his heart.  These methods range from the sometimes elaborate bait-and-switch technique to an out and out lie!  I can't stand any of these - and neither can Jesus!

We've all seen these and many of us have even used these models in our own faith walks.  No one like to feel tricked or lied to so why has this model been so widely used in the first place?  For those of you struggling with the idea of what this looks like let me give you a brief example:

I've been associated with churches that have to bring invitation to worship into everything they do.  Nothing wrong with inviting people to worship but we shouldn't blindside people with a call to faith when they're expecting a car wash!  When we lure people in by offering a FREE service: car-wash or no-strings-attached meal then it should be just that!  We shouldn't be clobbering people with the gospel and a call to faith once we get them where we want them.

If you search the scriptures, you'll be hard-pressed to find any example - anywhere of Jesus or any of his followers scheming people into hearing the good news message.  After all our world is full of enough half-hearted promises and boldface lies.  You don't have to look far to find someone telling you what you want to hear even when they have NO desire or intent to hold to their end of the deal.  This underhanded technique is nothing short of a lie.

Now instead of focusing only on the negative, I'm inviting you into the discussion on brainstorming some creative ways to do TWO things: serve the community just for the sake of serving - no strings attached and secondly ways to creatively and purposefully bring the message of Jesus into our daily lives in honest, authentic, and practical ways. 

What is FLEX your Faith?

FLEX your faith is a fun play on words that reminds us that we need to continue to workout our faith as we grow in Christ. Each letter of the word FLEX reminds us of a different aspect of the discipleship and evangelism process.

Now first of all we have to clear the air about something - evangelism as I refer to it is probably not what you've experienced or thought in the past. We'll get to the what it's nots in a later post. The purpose of this post is to simply explain what FLEX is and to extend an invitation to journey with me as I share my heart about faith development and discipleship.

First off, we look at the letter F and we are reminded of filling up. The first part of sharing your faith is being full of a faith to share. Faith isn't something that's just a natural brain dump that God infuses into us, rather it's worked and exercised over time as we gather for worship. So the first part of our discipleship challenge is to regularly fill-up in worship rest at least one hour a week.

Next we come to the letter L. Here we are reminded that we are called to live alongside people everyday! The great commission does a wonderful job teaching this as it says, "While you are going make disciples..." Jesus reminded his disciples that there was life to live after he left. We too need to hear that same charge. We must remember that no matter where we go we are to be living alongside people that God puts in our midst. This means that part of the discipleship and evangelism process is being with people and learning their likes/dislikes. It also means that we're supposed to build relationships with people for the sake of the relationship - NOT for the sake of the church. Simple live with people where you live, work, and play.

Our next stop on this journey is the letter E and it reminds us that we can only give so much before we need to engage in the things of God again. Our challenge here is to find at least 15 minutes everyday that we can devote to testing, deepening, and strengthening our faith. We can do this in a host of ways - something we'll get to in a later post as well - but some quick ideas are devotions (individual, family, small group), bible study, prayer, journaling and the list goes on.

Finally we can't just stop after we fill-up, live out and engage in the things of God - we have to multiply that as we share it with other people. The letter X is the symbol for multiplication so that's why we use it here. There's an old adage that reads Catch a man a fish and feed him for a day, but teach a man to fish and feed him for a lifetime. The same is true with our faith. We can say we believe in Jesus and even come to church but that only is part of the equation. If we really want to have a lasting impact on the Kingdom of God we have to invite people to embark on this journey with us.

So here's your invitation - Join me here each week as we take small steps to better understanding the faith that we share and determine some safe and non-threatening ways that we can share that faith with people where we live, work, and play. Feel free to add your comments and thoughts as well. Talk to you again next week as we start with some faith sharing DON'TS!